Keywords: communication, effective communication, marital relationship, marriage, family, children, Islamic teachings, psychology of communication.
Marriage is an inner and outer bond between a man and a woman as husband and wife with the purpose of making an everlasting happy family. For this reason, healthy or effective communication is needed in order to maintain integrity and harmony in the household.
There are verbal and nonverbal communication. Verbal communication is very important in a marital relationship and helps develop intimacy in the relationship. For example, when we and our partner share information through speech (orally) about ourselves, feelings that are felt, intimacy in the relationship can increase and understanding can be avoided.
Communication is not always with spoken words, a series of nonverbal movements can also tell the messages. Nonverbal behavior provides information about the mood in the absence of verbal information. If we are annoyed with our husband or wife, facial expressions and demeanor are likely to show it.
Nonverbal communication can also be demonstrated when interested in what is being said to your partner and signing to continue the conversation. Nonverbal communication consists of many components, such as facial expressions, body actions, and skin-to-skin (skinship). You can tell when your partner is feeling happy, such as when they smile.
Try to stay positive in communication. Here are some steps people can improve or take to build positive communication in marriage.
1) Do active listening. Effective listening is a fundamental point in healthy communication. Set aside without interrupted time and listen to one another. When we actively listen to one another, it grows the understanding and connection between us and our partners.
2) Show respect and affirm our partner. Give empathetic feedback and attention when our partner is talking, and build an intended try to get the complete message from her or him. For example, turn off the television or the sound of our gadget (such as cellular phone or laptop) when our partner is talking to us.
3) Do not use harsh and insulting words against husband, wife, and children.
According to Bradbury et al. (2000), marital satisfaction is a mental state which is described one’s perception of the benefits and ill effects of marriage. The more benefits one gets from marriage, the more satisfied one will be. Vice versa.
Hurlock (1982) said that satisfaction in marriage would be realized if the needs and expectations in life fights, such as friendship, love, sex, togetherness, support, honesty, and maturity, can be fulfilled.
Individuals who are at stage adults generally have entered the intimacy versus isolation stage. This stage is the period in which the ideal individual is able to have intercourse with a life partner who becomes his or her choice and build a family life independently apart from the extended family within the marriage bond.
A. From the Light of Psychological Research
To build a harmonious family, husband, and wife are required to be a solid team. So, interpersonal communication skills are very important.
Interpersonal communication especially lies between the husband and wife. This is because the husband and wife are captains the family directs and brings the family to realize its functions and role in society.
Husband and wife are the movers and role models in a family, and to make all of these happen, interpersonal communication is very much needed between family members (husband and wife and children) because interpersonal communication is the main foundation, a condition that must exist in a marriage bond, as stated by Thomas Hart and Kathleen (1983), communication is the main key to solve disputes and the only way to grow together.
Interpersonal communication takes place between individuals, is personal in nature, and is built on the principles of high recognition and respect for human dignity. Interpersonal communication is actually a social process by people that influence each other. According to Devito (1997), interpersonal communication is sending messages from someone and being received by others with an ongoing feedback effect. Because of this interpersonal nature, interpersonal communication is capable of being one of the most important elements in forming a person, moving participation, modifying individual behavior attitudes, and even effective in overcoming conflicts of interest.
In terms of the psychology of communication, it can be understood that the more good interpersonal relations, the more open people will be to express themselves, the more careful their perception of others and their perception of themselves. Thus, the more effective the communication that takes place between the parties who communicate, in this case, is mainly husband and wife as the main roles in marriage.
B. From the Light of Islamic Teachings
Marriage is an inner and outer bond between a man and a woman as husband and wife with the purpose of forming a family (household) that is happy and everlasting based on belief in God. Healthy communication between husband and wife is the pillar of a strong and happy family. In addition, respect, openness, and intense communication are also the main keys.
The goal of communication is basically to create a shared understanding or understanding together (good understanding) between one another (husband and wife), so that children can have a happy family, sakinah, mawaddah wa rahmah, as Allah said in Quran, “And He is the One Who creates human beings from a humble liquid, then establishes for them bonds of kinship and marriage. For your Lord is Most Capable” (Quran.com, Surah Al-Furqan 25:54) and “And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between your compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.” (Quran.com Surah Ar-Rum 30:21).
Each person wants marriage because marital satisfaction is one of the satisfaction determinants of well-being in married life. Marital satisfaction can be achieved to what extent both marriage partners are able to meet the needs of each partner and the extent of freedom from the relationships they create provide opportunities for them to fulfill the needs and expectations they brought before marriage is done. It also will be achieved if there is a sense of mutual understanding and mutual understanding between partners (husband and wife).
Respect, never use harsh and insulting words or manners against each other in the family.
Bradbury, T. N., Fincham, F. D., Beach, S. R. H. (2000). Research on the Nature and Determinants of Marital Satisfaction: A Decade in Review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4), 964-980. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00964.x
Hurlock, E. B. (1982). Developmental Psychology: A Life Span Approach. New York: McGraw-Hill College.
Hart, T. N., Hart, K. F. (1983). The First Two Years of Marriage. New Jersey: Paulist Press.
Devito, J. A. (1997). Komunikasi Antarmanusia. Jakarta: Professional Book.
Quran.com. Retrieved November 30, 2022, from https://quran.com/30/21
Quran.com. Retrieved November 30, 2022, from https://quran.com/25/54
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Japanese Language - Padjadjaran University
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